Humor from Heaven & Hell

Four married couples stood at the gates to Heaven. 

As St. Peter checked their files, he noted that all had pursued dubious paths during their lives. 

St. Peter glared at the first man and said, "I can't let you in. You're a notorious drunk—worse than W.C. Fields, I'm told. All you ever thing about is drink, drink, drink. And I notice that even your wife's name is 'Ginny.'" 

St. Peter then looked at the second man and roared, "I can't let you in either, because you're a terrible skinflint—worse than Scrooge, I'm told. All you think about is money, money, money, and I notice that your wife's name is 'Penny.'" 

The third man cowered in terror as St. Peter declared, "I'm not going to let you in either. Your record shows that all you value are things that glitter. You make Elizabeth Taylor look unadorned. All you can think about is jewelry, jewelry, jewelry, and I see that your wife's name is 'Ruby.'" 

Hearing all of this, the fourth man turned to his wife, and grumbled, "He'll never let us in. Let's get out of here, Fannie!" 

—Max Isaackson, Public Speaking and Other Coronary Threats